they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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