If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
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Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
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I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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