take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Randomize
