Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
