Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
