she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Randomize
