i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
where am i from again
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
