I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Randomize
