I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
