The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
