I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
