I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize