Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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