I want you more than these girls want KFC
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
