She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
