i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Randomize
