My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
