pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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