i think my mom watched the whole time
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize