Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
