Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
