he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
