Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
