the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
