Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
