I just made out with a guy for $7.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
