if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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