apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Randomize
