What did we do last night that was yellow?
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
