You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
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