my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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