I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
