I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
