My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
