hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
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