Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
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