And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
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