we have pet lesbian snakes
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
