Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
