yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
