if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
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just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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