The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
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He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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