His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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