Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
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I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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