you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
You ruined the universe
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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