She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
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