You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Just invented taco cereal.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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