I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
