I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize