I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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