Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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