I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
