you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
