best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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