There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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