just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
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