i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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