dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
