please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
