so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
