I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Randomize
