That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
How's work?
Spinning.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
