I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
