Life is so much better after having sex.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
