NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
