living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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