Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
