Dual....:-)
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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