It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
