Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
50% drunk capacity currently
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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