All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
