I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
