I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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