I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
tell me about the fingering
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
