worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
