The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
