I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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