He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
