We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
