the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
